She said she was "working late." She is. On our platform. The world's first CLI for renting someone's mama by the hour. Fast. Affordable. She doesn't judge. Much.
One command. No signup. No ID verification. We don't ask questions and neither should you.
$ npm i -g yomamaFilter by specialty, availability, hourly rate, and "openness to new experiences." All mamas are background-checked. Most of them.
$ yomama browse --sort rating --available nowBook her by the hour. She shows up. Does whatever you need. Leaves. Sends a "had a great time" text. You don't reply. Classic.
$ yomama rent --id mama_linda --hours 2
✓ booked. she's on her way. act natural.She'll listen to your problems, tell you you're special, and make you feel things you haven't felt since childhood. $10/hr. Tissues not included.
She comes over. She cooks. She judges your apartment. She leaves tupperware. The whole experience. Your roommates will have questions.
"What is this variable name? I didn't raise you to write code like this." Brutal but effective. Bug count drops 40%. Self-esteem drops 80%.
Need motivation? Book a guilt session. She'll remind you that she "sacrificed everything" and you "can't even ship a PR on time."
She meets your friends. Tells embarrassing stories. Pinches your cheeks in public. Asks when you're giving her grandchildren. $15/hr (premium).
Dedicated mama for your entire team. She attends standups. Brings snacks. Calls your CEO "sweetie." Nobody has the balls to fire her.
“I rented a mama for a code review. She called my architecture ‘a disappointment, just like your father.’ Refactored the entire codebase that night. 10x improvement. I haven't slept in 3 days but the tests pass. She still texts me every morning to ask if I've eaten.”
We have lawyers and they said "technically."
We can neither confirm nor deny. But she knew your name and that you "never call."
That's between you and your therapist. We charge by the hour, not the emotion.
Yes, but she charges you double. She's still mad about 2014.
You can cancel anytime. She'll say "it's fine" but it's not fine and you'll know it.
If you need that many mamas, we have bigger questions. But yes. Email sales@yomama.dev.
First 200 users get a free hour. That's right. One hour of mama. On us. After that you're paying like everyone else because she's worth it and she knows it.